Mrs. High Lord is on the warpath

I swear . . .

Tomorrow, I'm going to call Comcast and have them shut off HGTV, DIYnet and every other "home improvement" channel. Every time Mrs. High Lord watches one of those damn shows, I get a new project.

Her latest thing is the living room. Our carpet is upwards of 11 years old and it's showing its age. Mrs. High Lord has been saying for several months that she wants to replace the carpet, which is fine. Where I messed up is when I opened my big mouth and said, "Well, if you're going to replace the carpet, you may as well paint the walls, too."

The walls need painting and I really shouldn't complain since we're due, but if we're going to take up the carpet, it means pulling out the built-in cabinets and shelves so we can get to the carpet that's under them. So far, we've taken everything out and Mrs. High Lord has wiped down the walls in preparation of painting, but this is turning into a much bigger project than when it started.

According to my stepson, he's the big loser in all this. You see, after he graduates in May, I'm taking over his old bedroom in the downstairs. I'm plotting making it into a game/computer room. The old bigscreen will look nice down there along with the Wii, Xbox, home theater and my computer. This way, when Mrs. High Lord goes to bed and I'm not tired, I can go down to the basement and goof off and generally make noise without disturbing anyone.

My stepson is just ticked off that the big TV will be in his old room, which in turn means we'll be getting a new TV for the living room. I also tell him that we'll be getting a hot tub to put on the back deck, too. Heh, heh, heh.

On to the show . . .

Tonight's dances are the rumba and the jive, two generally fun dances. With DAG's ouster last week, it's only a matter of the order in which Lawrence, Steve O, Ty, Lil Kim and Chuck get the boot. Unless you just started watching the show, you know that either Gilles, Melissa or Shawn is going to win this thing.

Ty and Chelsie are up first and the more I watch him, the more I like him. He's a borderline horrible dancer, and he starts out doing a lot of just standing around. He's doing the counting thing again and he will probably get another "robotic" comment this week. What I like about Ty is that if I were on the show, I'd probably dance just like he does. I give him an A for effort, but the dance was about a D+.
The Judges's Scores: The Number of the Beast
The High Lord's Score: 6½

Taking the floor next are Shawn and Mark. I'm still missing the "Vote for Shawn and Mark" shirts. Last week on the Nationwide pre-race show, she was critiquing Carl Edwards's victory back-flip (she gave him a 9). They're doing the rumba and while this dress isn't quite as creepy, it's still not exactly age-appropriate. I think ABC needs to adopt an 18 and older only policy for the future. Overall, I thought their dance was good; the smooth movements come very naturally to her, but I thought she was half a step off in places.
The Judges's Scores: 8-9-9
The High Lord's Score: 8½

Going third are Lawrence and Edyta who got the shaft with bad music last week. I hope Ricky Minor does them right tonight. He gets some good advice from Warren Sapp. Speaking of Warren, who misses Kym? That would be me. LT just isn't built for this show. He's not compact like Emmitt or quick like Jerry. Where Warren is deceptively light on his feet, Lawrence dances more like Clyde and Evander. I think he really is trying, but he's just not very good.
The Judges's Scores: 7-7-8
The High Lord's Score: 7

Melissa and Tony are batting clean-up tonight and she was sabotaged not by her choreographer, but by her dress. Like Shawn, she's doing the rumba which should be good for her. "If I Were a Boy" should only be sung by two people: Beyonce and Adam Lambert. I think judges will gush over her. Mrs. High Lord says Melissa does a lot of posing and not a lot of dancing, but I think that's just the rumba.
The Judges's Scores: 9-9-9
The High Lord's Score: 8

My Wii is still calling me overweight. I'm either going to throw it through the window or I need to stick with it for another month.

Once again Lil Kim is spilling out of her dress, something Derek seems very happy about. I'm hoping for a wardrobe malfunction. "Some of the people were actually around in the 50s" . . . c'mon, Derek! WTF? Dancing to "Jailhouse Rock" is funny as hell. I like it, and not just because Kim is bouncing all over the place. The dance is very much in character and Kim isn't just counting along like some of the others do. And Queen Latifah's in da house! This was easily the best dance of the night so far. Derek once again shows that he is a top tier choreographer.
The Judges's Scores: 10-8-10
The High Lord's Score: 9

The consensus bottom-feeders are Steve-O and Lacey who are inexplicably still around. What's up with the kitchen in their practice area? The thing he has going for him is low expectations. If he just does okay, it will be a success. After two elegant rumbas from Shawn and Melissa, these two seem horribly underdressed in pajamas. He just looks so serious. Steve's dancing isn't bad, but he and Lacey just don't have a lot of chemistry.
The Judges's Scores: 7-4-5
The High Lord's Score: 6

What's with the scores? Carrie Ann was high, Len was low and Bruno was just about right.

Mrs. High Lord has been happy to watch the Sex & the City movie on HBO so she can see Gilles's butt. Cheryl should get a good jive out of him. In the intro piece, they wanted to be fun, but the music is anything but. The dancing is good; not quite as good as Derek and Kim, but close. For the first time the two of them don't seem to quite by in complete sync, and in parts, Gilles looks like he's doing the counting thing.
The Judges's Scores: 9-8-9
The High Lord's Score: 8

Chuck and Julianne wrap up the show with the rumba. What exactly qualifies him as a "star"? It seems to me that in the world of country music, she's bigger than he is. After all, there are commercials on the radio announcing her coming to the great state of West Virginia, but nothing about him. Like the other celebs doing the rumba, Chuck does a lot of standing around. He seems very stiff; unlike Melissa and Gilles, he has no fluidity in his movements. I put them in the middle of the pack tonight.
The Judges's Scores: 8-7-8
The High Lord's Score: 8

What's up with fuddy-duddy Len tonight?

The person who deserves to go is Steve O, although Lawrence and Ty could also be on the chopping block. If LT is in the dance-off tomorrow, he'll probably get whacked.

As I said before, after Gilles, Melissa and Shawn, everyone else is just fighting for scraps.

Tomorrow night, the theme on Idol is movie songs, so we'll see what the kids sing.

High Lord. Out.