Idol Results: The Final Five

Just as one of the Final Five Cylons ended up dead at the hands of another, one of the final five Idols will get whacked as the other four move on. Last night's show was another snoozer; I know some people out there love the "standards" nights, but I find them to be derivative (after all, how many different ways can you sing "Mack the Knife"?) and often boring. Last night was no exception and the only nice thing I can say is that at least no one sang "My Way".

Our friends at DialIdol predict Matt will be eliminated although everyone is statistically in play. The general sentiment around the blogosphere is that Allison was on the undeserving end of Simon's criticism and her fans need to work overtime to keep her around.

It's a pretty safe bet that both Gokey and Adam are safe; they've had so much face time and pimpage that it's almost a given that they'll at least be in the top 3. Of course, everyone thought the same thing about Daughtry and look what happened to him.

Kris is quietly hanging around as other singers have fallen by the wayside, much like Jasmine Trias did back in season 3. Allison could possibly sneak into the Top 3 but needs a shocker to make the finale.

Like Scott Savol before him, Matt is this season's Rasputin. We couldn't get rid of him in the opening voting rounds, he made it to the Top 13 through the Wild Card route and then the judges inexplicably saved him. I think Simon's praise of him was more to convince himself that he did the right thing in keeping Matt around than anything he actually believed. I'm not a Matt fan and I find it incomprehensible that Alexis is watching him from home . . . actually, I don't think she's watching; she's mostly likely thrown something heavy through her television when she saw the likes of Anoop and Lil advancing when she didn't.

Before the show starts, I've got some sad news: Julianne Hough won't be back next "season" for DWTS. I'd take this with a grain of salt, though. About this time at the end of last "season", she said she was going to take some time off to pursue her country music career. I don't begrudge her choices, but if each season I have to hear load of "will she/won't she" talk, turning her into the Ballroom Brett Favre, I'll officially replace her with Kym Johnson as the Future Mrs. High Lord.

Has anyone watched the pilot of Caprica, a prequel series to BSG? I'm debating whether to go buy it on DVD or to wait to see it at the beginning of next year when the series starts. It takes place in the same continuity as BSG, only most of the action is planetside, which supposedly will cut down on post-production costs because there are no space shots and CGI to produce.

I'm getting very excited about the new Wolverine movie. I know he's the most popular X-character out there, but I just want to see some good summer action movies. After a host of bad comic book movies of late (including X-Men 3: The Last Stand), I have high hopes for this Hugh Jackman vehicle, as well as the upcoming Iron Man 2, which should be out next year.

Fox starts the night by dissing the Prez and then Seacrest opens the show. We've got what should be a 5 minute show stretched out to 60. Taylor Hicks will be on later, as will Natalie Cole and this week's mentor/shameless pimp, Jamie Foxx.

You'd think that in this economy, someone other than Ford would be willing to pay big bucks to have the car product placement . . . you know, a company that's not in need of public monies to stay afloat.

Are the kids actually singing during the group sing? Of all the "innovations" Ken Warwick brought to the show this season, lip-syncing the group sings is my least favourite. Yes, I hate the taped group numbers more than the fourth judge. I think they're definitely singing live because the audio guy still hasn't been fired.

So who got to clean up the Idols's food fight? Apparently Gokey is paying for it.

Seacrest then goes straight to the results at 9:13. Matt is the first to get the news and he's sent to one side of the stage. Gokey is next and after babbling incomprehensibly for a while, he's sent to the other side of the seal. Allison is third and she's put in the same group as Gokey.

Kris is next and he's put with Matt.

Adam is told he's safe and he gets Georged. Dammit! I thought they were above this crap. I guess not. What was I thinking? Idol taking the high road? Not a chance.

Adam is put in the bottom 3 along with Matt and Kris. You'd think that for someone as self-aware as Adam, he would have known that all he needs to do is sit in the middle of the stage until Seacrest sends them to break.

Paula is spilling out of her dress and rambling incoherently.

One interesting note about these results: In the last three weeks, the person singing last has landed in the bottom 3 each time and been eliminated once. I think they're intentionally trying to dilute the power of the The Pimp Spot.

Of course that means Allison and Gokey are safe. I am breathing a huge sigh of relief right now; I thought Allison was gone fo' sho'.

It seems that Adam's voters got complacent last night. Either that or the results are rigged. Before the Adam's fans get too incensed, remember that 1) even Rueben Studdard made an appearance in the bottom 3 before he won, and 2) with only five singers left, 60% of them are in the bottom 3. I think he'll be sent to safety just as soon as Natalie is done singing.

She's so much better than the bad 70s disco retreads they had on last week. Unfortunately, she's there to plug for her tour and her new CD, not just sing.

With most of the results already in, now it's time to kill some time. Taylor Hicks makes his triumphant(?) return to the show, having lost some weight and cut his hair. Has anyone seen him concert? He strikes me as the type of performer who puts on a good live show even if his albums are mediocre. VCM probably should have won that year, but Taylor is as good on stage as he always was.

Before cutting to commercial, Seacrest sends Kris to safety, meaning that either Matt or Adam will get cut in about 20 minutes. My jaw is on the floor! Adam? In danger? The streets will run red with blood . . . er, sequins . . . if he is sent home tonight!

Next up is Jamie Foxx singing his latest song. Does he really have more than one Grammy? Despite my cynicism at the motivations of many of the Idol mentors, it seems that Jamie tried his best to help the kids out, and that's all I can ask. He didn't seem like he was obviously only about the paycheck or the automatic boost in sales for his latest CD. I still could have done without him taking the stage.

I have an idea for Idol: Get Journey with Arnel Pineda to come sing on the results show and Randy can join them on the bass guitar. Or he could play the air guitar when they sing "Separate Ways".

We come back from the break and Mrs. High Lord has vowed to boycott the remainder of the season if Adam is eliminated tonight.

Seacrest reminds us about the 47 million votes that were cast and then quickly declares Adam safe.

It looks like Matt's luck has finally run out. I'd say he was kept around about five weeks too long. I'm happy for him that he made it this far, but I'm ready to say goodbye to Matt and the mole on his forehead that would probably qualify as the fifth of the Greater Antilles.

Next week's alleged mentor is Slash for "rock" week, which should be good for Allison and Adam; I'd worry if I were Kris or Gokey.

I wonder if each of the kids is going to get two songs next week or if there's going to be even more filler.

And look . . . Bruce Gowers finished the show under time, even as Seacrest brings Matt back on stage after he's done singing for some quick face time and yappage by the judges.

High Lord. Out.