Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dancing Results

We're 25 minutes in and there has already been way too much filler. What the hell was Dolly Parton doing on the show? And singing a 30 year old song, too?

On the flip side, we've gotten to see a lot of Drew who will (unfortunately) soon be displaced by Samantha "Unintentional Comedy" Harris when she gets off maternity leave. Please, ABC, please, please, please! keep him around and send Samantha back to E!

Predictably, we got to see Sabrina reprise her cha-cha. Yesterday, I gave her the best chance to win and I still think she's the one to beat. She's put through to the next round first, followed by Jennie, Helio and Albert.

After the scoring recaps, I think I agree with the audience member who said Floyd was robbed. He was far from great, but he was certainly better than Wayne. If he gets sent packing, it was because the judges hosed him.

I don't understand the tap dancing, so I'm taking five to check my email. Back in a second. Not that you'll notice.

We're watching Kid Nation on the split screen and the Green Team just cost the whole group the contest. They're the weakest group because they have the most dysfunctional people. you'd think it would be the youngest kids on the Yellow Team, but it's not.

We switched back to Kenny Mayne and I'm really missing Jimmy and Guillermo. Kenny is funny but he gets old quickly.

Back to more results.

Safe: Mel & Max. Cameron & Edyta.

A commercial and more filler.

Jane & Tony, safe. Wayne & Cheryl, safe. Marie & Jonathan, safe.

Josie is in the bottom 2.

Floyd & Karina, safe.

Mark & Kim are the other bottom 2 couple. Mrs. High Lord is flipping between Kid Nation and DWTS, so I missed some of the results. Now we're on to more commercials.

Josie & Alec get the axe and that's probably for the best. She was clearly the worst dancer, probably because she has the least amount of actual athletic talent and admits to having not muscle.

Can we get Drew a contract for this show? That leaves 11 more couples, and three more months of High Lord blogs. Come on back next week.

High Lord. Out.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Retiring the glossary

I'm retiring this year's American Idol glossary, so if you're in need of a flashback, here it is.

AFE
- Anthony Fedorov Effect, singing a power-ballad every week to cover for lack of range or other vocal deficiency; Clay started it, but Miracle Baby turned it into an art form.

BAG
- Barefoot Asian Guy, Paul Kim

BBB
- Beat-Box Boy, Blake Lewis

CSM
- Crying Single Mom, Lakisha Jones

Dead Man's Spot
- Going first. Last year, of the 15 persons singing first, four were eliminated that night and three more made appearances in the Bottom 3. Going back two years, 14 of the 30 people singing first have been in the bottom 3 and seven have been eliminated

DW
- Melinda Doolittle because she looks like Arthur's sister, Dora Winifred

GBF
- Good Best Friend, the half of the bikini-clad BFF pair who is not evil, Antonella Barba

Gigi
- Gina Glockson

Hello Kitty
- Sanjaya Malakar, because the only explaination as to why he wasn't eliminated earlier is that lots of young girls who think he's cute are dialing and texting their little fingers off to keep him around

Lieutenant Ilia
- My other name for Phil, because of his resemblance to the character from ST: TMP.

Mophead
- Chris Sligh; I'm using this as a placeholder nickname for him until I can come up with something better

NIASS
- Mr. Nasally is a Singing Style, Chris Richardson

New Papi
- The guy who wasn't there for the birth of his daughter because he was auditioning for American Idol, Phil Stacey

OTP
- One Trick Pony

Pimp Spot, The
- Getting to go last. Over the past two years, only one person has ever been eliminated from the final singing spot and that was Anthony Fedorov when there were only four singers left

Smashmouth
- Sundance Head, because he looks like reality-show star Steven Harwell

TCFKS
- I'm stealing this one from Jennifer, it stands for The Contestant Formerly Known as Sundance, making him the first American Idol singer to get two nicknames

TCO
- The Chosen One, Fox's tendency to pick a contestant or two and hand them votes by showcasing their sob story and giving them lots of TV time

Come dancing with the guys!

After the girls wowed everyone on the first night, it's time for the guys. I'm setting a low expectation for them because frankly, I don't see them doing very well.

Partnered with Edyta, we get Cameron who tells us he had a bone disorder as a kid. Is he using that as an excuse for losing later or as a vote-getting mechanism (probably both). They're okay, if unspectacular. They seemed safe and he struck me as a little stiff. Len gives him some softball comments and does a little coaching. I think he's good for top 8 at best.
The Judges's Scores: 7-7-7
The High Lord's Score: 7

Next up is Floyd who is paired with former runner-up Karina. She's wearing next to nothing and I'm sure that makes all the guys out there happy. The guy singing should never take up rap. Karina is doing her best to make people pay attention to her instead of watching Floyd's bad posture. He's nervous, too. He may have potential, but if the first two guys are any indication, the girls are going to wipe the floor with the guys.
The Judges's Scores: 6-6-6 (The Satan Score)
The High Lord's Score:

My friend John is happy that Julienne is back, and she's going for a repeat win. She's with Helio Castroneves, who could be good. Of course, he could be bad, too. He seems like a fun guy . . . but can he dance? I think John is hoping Julienne's double-sided tape fails tonight. His foxtrot is good. I give him "dark horse" status right now. He has a way to go to be fab and he missed a couple of cues, but they could go far.
The Judges's Scores: 8-9-8
The High Lord's Score:

Another former runner-up (Anna Trebunskaya) gets a star no one has heard of. He's Albert Reed and he's clumsy. He seems to be counting along in his head. He also needs to get a full shirt. The audience like it, but I'm not sure they thought he was good. Funny, yes. But funny isn't always good. Len compares him to a stripper and that's not a good sign.
The Judges's Scores: 7-7-7
The High Lord's Score: 6

My friend John is also in love with Kym, and I don't think he's happy that she's been matched up with Mark Cuban. Do you think he'll use the hip replacement as a crutch or excuse? He's not as bad as I thought he was going to be, but he's still nothing special. He's comfortable enough dancing that he's singing along, so that's a good sign. Bruno tells him his technique is poor and he right, but at least he was trying (Master P, I'm talking to you).
The Judges's Score: 7-7-7
The High Lord's Score: 7

The Pimp Spot is taken by Wayne Newton and two-time champion Cheryl Burke. Do you think she asked for Wayne or that she got stuck with him. I don't see Wayne as being very athletic, although he must be doing something right since he's been headlining in Vegas since Johnson was president (the second one). I like Wayne and I think he'll have lots of built-in voters, but will the judges scores keep him around? If anyone can get the most out of Wayne, it will be her. His technique and posture is bad (not as bad as Floyd, though) and he seems kind of stiff and heavy on his feet, much like George was a couple of years ago. He'll make the top 6 based on his personality and effort, but he doesn't have the chops to go all season.
The Judges's Scores: 6-7-6
The High Lord's Score: 6

Now that I've seen everyone dance, here are the odds I give everyone to win. I'm no bookie, but these reflect both what I think of them as dancers and what chances I give them to accumulate fan votes.

Josie, 500-1
Albert, 200-1
Cameron, 150-1
Wayne, 100-1
Floyd, 75-1
Mark, 50-1
Jennie, 40-1
Jane, 25-1
Helio, 20-1
Marie, 10-1
Mel B, 6-1
Sabrina, 3-1

We'll be back tomorrow night for the first results show. I see Josie getting whacked tomorrow and then a string of guys getting sent home.

Of course, I've been wrong before, so come back and be sure to gloat.

High Lord. Out.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Who's ready to go dancing?

I know I've been a bad blogger lately, but I'm back . . . at least for Dancing With the Stars.

Maybe one day I'll finish my cruise blog, but for now, you'll have to settle for ballroom dancing.

Tonight we have a 90 minute show and only six people dancing. I wonder if that means everyone will be dancing twice or if there will just be gobs and gobs of filler. (If I were a betting man, I'd take the second option).

We're only six minutes into the show, and we're already in filler time (the pros-only group dance). Personally, I'm very happy to see Julienne, who is as cute as ever. We also get to see Drew Lachey, who is filling in for Samantha "Unintentional Comedy Hall of Fame" Harris.

Now we get introduced to the stars with their pro dance partners. Cheryl has the "I can't believe I got stuck with Wayne Newton" look and Kym almost falls out of her top (not a complaint; just sayin').

First up is super-hawt 90210 alum Jennie Garth who is dancing with Julienne's little brother, Derek. Is it just me or is he young enough to be her son? He's also taking the place of super-creepy pro Brian, who had that freaky fake tan and those teeth that were just a little too white. Jennie looks nervous and flubs a couple of steps. I'll give her some props for going first this season, though. Some of her motions are a little robotic, but I think she was good. Not great, but good. Len is surprisingly gentle; both he and Bruno even slip in a little bit of coaching.
The Judges's Scores: 7-7-7
The High Lord's Score:

You'd think that with the budget they have for this show, they'd get some good singers instead of the same yokels they used last year. And what the hell was that woman in the fuchsia dress wearing on her head? Former champion Drew does a good job of not asking awkward questions. How long do you think he'll take before he starts a question, "You know the year I won, Cheryl and I . . ." I'll bet he pulls that one on Wayne tomorrow night.

Next up is the obligatory swimsuit model, Josie Maran. Apparently, she has two left feet and no muscle. She's teamed with Aleks, who I think really wants to win this thing. After being shut out of the winner's circle for the past three seasons, I think he wants to prove he can win (his first season win is tainted by ABC's fixing of the show for Kelly Monaco). Josie is kind of clumsy, but at least she's pretty. Without an identifiable fan base, I see her getting the axe pretty quick.
The Judges's Scores: 6-5-5
The High Lord's Score: 6

Wrapping up the first half of the show is ABC homer Sabrina Bryan and her partner, dancing-ninja Mark. She's cute and a little Diana DeGarmo tubby (not a negative). I think she could be one of the surprises of the year . . . or she's going to implode on the dance floor (which she doesn't). Her Disney dance training pays off for her big time. Instead of being clumsy like Josie or nervous like Jennie, she comes out swinging. Len gets on her for too much hip-hop, but I don't think that will matter when it comes time for the voting. Now, if we can only do something about keeping those teeth under control.
The Judges's Scores: 9-8-9
The High Lord's Score:

Wow! If Len knocked "a couple of points off" for the hip-hop, she should have had 10s. And on the first night! Someone please send a memo to Sabrina to never use the word "cheetahlicious" again.

Next up is Marie Osmond who is paired with Jonathan. Don't tell Mrs. High Lord this, but if she trades me in for a newer model, I would so totally make out with Marie now that she's single again. She could be this year's I'm-going-to-lose-30-pounds-by-dancing-like-Tia-did contestant. I think her prior dancing training will pay off for her and I can see her actually having a chance at winning as long as she doesn't try and get too cute. She can't compete athletically with Sabrina but she's a lot more solid as a dancer than both Jennie and Josie. The judges gave her straight 7s, and she's better than that.
The Judges's Scores: 7-7-7
The High Lord's Score: 8

I've been watching "How I Met Your Mother" and "The Big Bang Theory" on the split screens with the closed-captioning on and they're both pretty funny, especially the second show. There's lots of humour at the expense of the nerds and the shame of it is, I know people like them (the nerds, not the hawt girl). I don't know what that says about
me or the show.

Mel is in the five-hole and she drew Maksim as her partner. I think he can get Mel into the winner's circle because he's a jerk and she has enough talent to go all the way.
She's pretty good, even she misses a couple of steps. I'll chalk that up to first-night jitters. I didn't quite like it as much as the judges did.
The Judges's Scores: 8-8-8
The High Lord's Score: 7

Last to go is Serina Adama herself, Jane Seymour. She draws Tony Dovolani, who can be something of a diva, but is also a good dancer. It's a good thing she gets the foxtrot because it seems to fit her perfectly. She's classy and elegant. Not particularly graceful, but nor is she bad. She's not going to win, but she can make a strong charge with Tony to guide her. She'll be in trouble when she starts drawing some of the latin dances, though.
The Judges's Scores: 8-8-8
The High Lord's Score:

After all the girls get their shot, we are introduced to the guys. Without seeing the guys dance a step, I'd say the winner is going to be a girl. The guys just don't seem very athletic. Floyd is probably the most likely to put forth the most effort, but as we saw with Evander, boxing and dancing aren't necessarily good partners.

Ask me again tomorrow, but as of right now, I'd say that we might see an all-girl top four.

I'll post my early predictions tomorrow night.

High Lord. Out.